I Am a Man-Magnet. And So Can You.

Recently I have discovered that I am now a certifiable man magnet. What? You didn’t get the Memo?

Here’s how it’s done, Ladies:          

I have hairspray. And I WILL use it.

 

1. Look like crap when you wake up, and, if possible, when you go to bed. A true man magnet’s superhuman magnetic powers have to be recharged between 12 and 6 
2. Make sure your significant other is a chick magnet, so he gets a little bit less ticked off when he finally realizes that he wound up with a man magnet. Don’t worry. He’ll be way too busy deflecting chicks to care.
3. Sell something men are constitutionally obligated to buy for women, so you can continually have an valid excuse to boss them around
4. Brush your teeth, even as much as twice a day if you have to. Don’t overfloss, as this will mean you’ll have to purchase a stun gun.

5. Get a sense of humor. That’s that thing that makes you realize that just about everything is funny if you think about it long enough. If you are too busy to think about it long enough, as many man magnets are, make somebody else do it for you.

6. Erase the word “yes” from your vocabulary. Say “no”. Say it alot. Say it even when you mean yes, or maybe. At least 20 times a day. Before Noon. 

7. Don’t laugh at a man’s joke unless it’s actually funny, and if it’s not funny… Tell him “THAT’S NOT FUNNY.”

8. Get some self respect. They sell it at the Mall. Yeah. The kiosk right next to the socks. That’s it. Get summa that.

9. Have tons of girlfriends. Men must know that your girlfriends are more important to you than they are. The more girlfriends you have the more magnetic you will be. The ones that have already asked about their husband, boyfriend, brother, son, and landscaper already know you are a man magnet. The rest will figure it out eventually.

10. Be successful. Find out what you’re good at and do THAT thing instead of the that other thing you suck at. And of course, wear my jewelry. 

 

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12 Comments on “I Am a Man-Magnet. And So Can You.”


  1. I am a man magnet my dahlink – I find all your suggestions are winners and I would add one teensy little one….be slightly aloof as it drives them crazy if they think for just one second you aren’t drooling all over them at first sight…we can’t help it they find us adorable….and yes wearing your jewelry is a plus – your jewels catch a man’s eye; but our beauty reels him in….


  2. @ FilmLadd – sorry dahlink – I never drool. Drooling simply makes it too easy for you. I prefer to dangle the bait on the hook a little longer…

  3. Bev Says:

    Oh such a great life being a man magnet.. Oh,the more no’s the better & certainly never drool :0)


  4. Oh my,

    Do they STILL make curlers in that size or are they vintage? Nah, can’t be vintage ’cause they only came in Bazooka pink way be when. But know only of what I’ve seen in pictures.

    ps. Al Gore wants you to unplug the blow dryer. http://www.ge.com/visualization/appliances_energyuse/index.html


  5. You think YOU know about ‘man magnets?’ I wrote the book about it! Magnetic Repulsion, 100 Poems From Desire to Disgust. You can see a sneak preview here: http://www.outskirtspress.com/magneticrepulsion I am also featured, reading selections from the book on Blog Talk Radio: http://tinyurl.com/23muzh4 Interested? Email me at: phawkenson.ecasd.k12.wi.us and I will send you a free signed copy as a give away on your blog. (We have a lot in common! I make tapestry handbags and dabble in jewelry and stained glass, too! You can see a few of my artistic creations here: http://twitpic.com/photos/phawkenson
    Thanks for letting me share!)


  6. [...] rule for dating or marrying a younger man is half your age plus 7. or…3 if you’re a man magnet. I mean… Do you really want to be asked if that’s your [...]


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