We see it. We stare. We look away. We stare again. Like looking at a train wreck, these are the top Ten Fashion Faux Pas or “Huge No No No’s” if perhaps you do not speak French. In Russian these would be “Nyet, Nyet, Nyets.” In Texas, ” Oh, HELL no.” But once again, I digress.
No-No #1. Trying to look 25 if you are closer to 50
This goes for men as well as women
Grow up, please.
It’s tacky to wear ripped jeans of any kind past a certain age, especially in the back. I can assure you “Nobody wants to see THAT” applies to this particular fashion fumble. Huge Basketball, hockey or bizarre themed shirts do not look good on men either and look way beyond bad on women. I don’t care if you are on your way to the big game, at least get a shirt that fits you. Note: Your shirts, dresses, and pants should not be shiny or oh- so-sparkly past the age of 12 unless it’s evening wear. Men should never wear baseball hats in restaurants. No, I really don’t care if you’re having a bad hair day. It’s okay for women because we have more hair to deal with. But I never do. Women past a certain age or body type should not wear short skirts or short shorts. They get vein situations, baggy knee situations and it just looks weird. Please dress appropriately for your age, people. There is so much more I can say about this. I’ll do a separate post soon. : )
By the way, Don’t count on your frenemies to tell you look ridiculous, because they won’t! That’s why I’m here.
Nyet-Nyet #2. Too short, too long, too tight too big
Let’s talk about what I like to call “muffin-top fashionista physics.” Those pants? don’t actually fit you if you have fat flopping over them. Get the right size. If you are thick around the middle and have small hips, buy the bigger waisted pants and have the rear end taken in.
Bra-fat. That’s what happens when your bra is ill-fitting in the back and your shirt is too tight. This is not attractive here or any foreign nation that I’m aware of. Just don’t do it.
By the way, I covered these faux pas recently during my Fashionista segment on the fabulous Film Ladd Radio Show.
Below is the video and audio for that show. I come on during the last hour or so.
Oh, Hell No #3. bad color
Liz Lemon Earrings
As I have stated before, the colors you wear can truly change the way you look and are perceived. Those dark circles under your eyes may be more pronounced if you wear black, grey, olive green. I actually plan to write a book about color for those of you who just don’t understand it, because it’s fascinating to me, and I work with it everyday when I make the jewelry. I for one, look terrible in every shade of yellow except a very pale butter yellow. Even then, I need a tan to pull that one off . I’m sure you have looked at the mirror while trying something on and basically said Bleck!! That’s a color you shouldn’t wear. You can almost never go wrong wearing the color that is closest to your eye color, and usually, that color is your VERY BEST color to wear. If you are wearing neon and stopping traffic perhaps it’s best to wait .
No-No #4. Holes Holes and more Holes.
If moths have taken a liking to you favorite sweater, please get it repaired using the handy dandy extra yarn that came attached to your sweater which you should be storing in a container along with all those extra buttons that come with your clothing. Or… throw it out.
Nyet-Nyet #5. Outdoing the bride at a wedding
It is bad form to ever wear white at a wedding, and generally speaking, not cool to wear black unless it’s an evening wedding. Wearing red is also usually considered tart-ish. Brides are looking over-the-top sexy these days, so do not attempt to out-cleavage the bride on her special day, please. If you are going to the wedding of an older couple, do cover up a bit as slutty does not work here anymore.
No-No #6. Underdressing for your party
Always dress up a little bit if you are having a party. Why do you think they call it the Hostess with the Mostest? Because you look like you’ve been working out in the garden all day? NOOO! Look good. Try to wear one fabulous piece, be it jewelry or a fun shirt.
Oh, Hell No #7. Too much jewelry, or “gasp” no jewelry
If you sound like the ghost of Christmas past, get a clue, you are wearing too much jewelry. Take one piece off. And for crying out loud, I’m a jewelry designer. Wear some.
Nyet-Nyet #8. swimwear too big/small
Is there anything more hideous than having to shop for swimwear? No. That’s why I froze my butt off in March and made a video all about it. Just remember, if you want an honest opinion of how that suit looks on you, ask a kid. Kids will always tell you the truth.
Oh, Hell No #9. See through clothes
No, gentlemen, we don’t want to see what you have going on under that mesh shirt. It’s tacky. And ladies, please wear flesh colored undies under white things. Nobody. Wants. To. See. That.
No-No #10. Crazy Shoes
If they are weird just don’t wear them. See Bryan’s article from Memorial Day for more ghastly footwear factoids.
That is all. Dress Safe out there.