I was fortunate enough to nab the very creative Editor-in-Chief from KentonMagazine.com, Alexander Liang and their Fashion Director, the ever-so-chic Mia Tucker-Williams right after fashion week at the end of February and grill them on what’s hot and what belongs in the fashion dumpster for Spring-Winter 2012.
View KentonMagazine.com here
Follow Kenton on twitter http://twitter.com/#!/kentonmagazine
Follow Sueanne on twitter http://twitter.com/#!/sueanneshirzay
Enjoy!!
We see it. We stare. We look away. We stare again. Like looking at a train wreck, these are the top Ten Fashion Faux Pas or “Huge No No No’s” if perhaps you do not speak French. In Russian these would be “Nyet, Nyet, Nyets.” In Texas, ” Oh, HELL no.” But once again, I digress.
This goes for men as well as women
Grow up, please.
It’s tacky to wear ripped jeans of any kind past a certain age, especially in the back. I can assure you “Nobody wants to see THAT” applies to this particular fashion fumble. Huge Basketball, hockey or bizarre themed shirts do not look good on men either and look way beyond bad on women. I don’t care if you are on your way to the big game, at least get a shirt that fits you. Note: Your shirts, dresses, and pants should not be shiny or oh- so-sparkly past the age of 12 unless it’s evening wear. Men should never wear baseball hats in restaurants. No, I really don’t care if you’re having a bad hair day. It’s okay for women because we have more hair to deal with. But I never do. Women past a certain age or body type should not wear short skirts or short shorts. They get vein situations, baggy knee situations and it just looks weird. Please dress appropriately for your age, people. There is so much more I can say about this. I’ll do a separate post soon. : )
By the way, Don’t count on your frenemies to tell you look ridiculous, because they won’t! That’s why I’m here.
Let’s talk about what I like to call “muffin-top fashionista physics.” Those pants? don’t actually fit you if you have fat flopping over them. Get the right size. If you are thick around the middle and have small hips, buy the bigger waisted pants and have the rear end taken in.
Bra-fat. That’s what happens when your bra is ill-fitting in the back and your shirt is too tight. This is not attractive here or any foreign nation that I’m aware of. Just don’t do it.
By the way, I covered these faux pas recently during my Fashionista segment on the fabulous Film Ladd Radio Show.
Below is the video and audio for that show. I come on during the last hour or so.
Liz Lemon Earrings
As I have stated before, the colors you wear can truly change the way you look and are perceived. Those dark circles under your eyes may be more pronounced if you wear black, grey, olive green. I actually plan to write a book about color for those of you who just don’t understand it, because it’s fascinating to me, and I work with it everyday when I make the jewelry. I for one, look terrible in every shade of yellow except a very pale butter yellow. Even then, I need a tan to pull that one off . I’m sure you have looked at the mirror while trying something on and basically said Bleck!! That’s a color you shouldn’t wear. You can almost never go wrong wearing the color that is closest to your eye color, and usually, that color is your VERY BEST color to wear. If you are wearing neon and stopping traffic perhaps it’s best to wait .
If moths have taken a liking to you favorite sweater, please get it repaired using the handy dandy extra yarn that came attached to your sweater which you should be storing in a container along with all those extra buttons that come with your clothing. Or… throw it out.
It is bad form to ever wear white at a wedding, and generally speaking, not cool to wear black unless it’s an evening wedding. Wearing red is also usually considered tart-ish. Brides are looking over-the-top sexy these days, so do not attempt to out-cleavage the bride on her special day, please. If you are going to the wedding of an older couple, do cover up a bit as slutty does not work here anymore.
Always dress up a little bit if you are having a party. Why do you think they call it the Hostess with the Mostest? Because you look like you’ve been working out in the garden all day? NOOO! Look good. Try to wear one fabulous piece, be it jewelry or a fun shirt.
If you sound like the ghost of Christmas past, get a clue, you are wearing too much jewelry. Take one piece off. And for crying out loud, I’m a jewelry designer. Wear some.
Is there anything more hideous than having to shop for swimwear? No. That’s why I froze my butt off in March and made a video all about it. Just remember, if you want an honest opinion of how that suit looks on you, ask a kid. Kids will always tell you the truth.
No, gentlemen, we don’t want to see what you have going on under that mesh shirt. It’s tacky. And ladies, please wear flesh colored undies under white things. Nobody. Wants. To. See. That.
If they are weird just don’t wear them. See Bryan’s article from Memorial Day for more ghastly footwear factoids.
That is all. Dress Safe out there.
Did you just die… or are you wearing black again?
Rainbow Cubic Zirconia Necklace
I’ll get straight to the point. Guess what. You probably look like crap in black. See those dark circles under your eyes? They are pronounced because you’re wearing black. See that pale, lifeless pallor to your skin? Blame it on the black. See your beautiful curves disappear in that photograph? Congratulations, black just flattened you like a steamroller. Yes, yes, I know I’m telling you something you don’t want to hear. Please, you’re thinking…it can’t possibly be true! I know you’re clutching your 10 little black dresses 6 black sweaters and 8 pairs of black pants and screaming ” Why, why, am I reading what this awful woman writes?” By the way. There is no tooth fairy. See? …You’re okaaay.
Labradorite Blue Flash Earrings
I KNOW somebody told you you look skinny or elegant in black, and that may be true for a few select people who can pull it off. But sweetheart, you also look like a funeral director, and you ain’t dead yet. If you don’t believe me take this simple test. Go to any catalog and look at the model of an item that is available in several colors. She is NEVER modeling the BLACK item on the printed page even though the item is available in black. This is because black is nobody’s best color. The manufacturers know that showing the item in a color will sell it, even though people will scurry to buy the black out of a bizarre safety mechanism simply because they are scared to try something new.
WOW Red Carnelian Earrings
I do have one very dear friend who will only wear black and white, She leans toward white in the summer and black in the winter. They both look hideous on her. Nothing I can say or do will stop her. I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded. I know you won’t believe this, but I’ve even been a little mean. I sometimes wonder if I love her so much because she so incredibly flawed, (she also takes forever to order in restaurants) or If I just can’t stand the thought of not being with her when we are shopping and she FINALLY finally finally tries on something other than black. If I’m not with her, will it ever happen? I doubt it. It would kinda be like missing a beautiful shooting star. You have just keep looking up at the sky and eventually it will happen. If I keep being her friend, someday Sandy will purchase green or blue. Maybe even red. Sigh.
Aqua Chalcedony Chandelier Earrings
Do a little experiment. Hold a black item against your face, then chocolate brown, dark green, charcoal, and navy. One or more of these colors will substitute nicely as a dark color on you. You will notice your eye color will pop, your skin will look much more radiant. Pair it with a beautiful colorful piece of jewelry from, say, for example, ME… http://www.sueanneshirzay.etsy.com and VOILA! you look fabulous! In the words of Coco Chanel, The best color in the world is the one that looks good on YOU!
Yes. I know. I wasn’t born yesterday. Some of you will never give up your black. It CAN look very modern and chic on the right person. But please do one thing for me. Pair your black with a nice colorful shirt, jacket, skirt, pair of shoes and/or jewelry. Little children will no longer be afraid of you. People will smile at you more because you’ll actually look friendly. If you drop the entire contents of your bag on a busy Manhattan sidewalk, people will actually help you pick it up. Even the muggers.
Please feel free to comment on this post and send me any fashion or jewelry questions to sueanneshirzay3@gmail.com .
