Top 10 Ways to Grow Out Your Foof (Bangs)

Recently I made a public service announcement video promoting Trollop Prevention Month, which kicks off in August, which is NOW, people. Missed it? Click here or look at the post directly before this one. I’m getting many comments but privately everyone is screaming at me because of my hair “situation”. I had the genius idea to have bangs cut in a couple of months ago, liked it for about a week, and then got bored with it. So, if you, like me need to grow out your bangs (we call this FOOF in my house) without looking like I did in that video, here are a few helpful ways to look SMOKIN’ hot while growing out your bangs.

I Am a Man-Magnet. And So Can You.

Recently I have discovered that I am now a certifiable man magnet. What? You didn’t get the Memo?

Here’s how it’s done, Ladies:          

I have hairspray. And I WILL use it.

 

1. Look like crap when you wake up, and, if possible, when you go to bed. A true man magnet’s superhuman magnetic powers have to be recharged between 12 and 6 
2. Make sure your significant other is a chick magnet, so he gets a little bit less ticked off when he finally realizes that he wound up with a man magnet. Don’t worry. He’ll be way too busy deflecting chicks to care.
3. Sell something men are constitutionally obligated to buy for women, so you can continually have an valid excuse to boss them around. 
4. Brush your teeth, even as much as twice a day if you have to. Don’t overfloss, as this will mean you’ll have to purchase a stun gun.

5. Get a sense of humor. That’s that thing that makes you realize that just about everything is funny if you think about it long enough. If you are too busy to think about it long enough, as many man magnets are, make somebody else do it for you.

6. Erase the word “yes” from your vocabulary. Say “no”. Say it alot. Say it even when you mean yes, or maybe. At least 20 times a day. Before Noon. 

7. Don’t laugh at a man’s joke unless it’s actually funny, and if it’s not funny… Tell him “THAT’S NOT FUNNY.”

8. Get some self respect. They sell it at the Mall. Yeah. The kiosk right next to the socks. That’s it. Get summa that.

9. Have tons of girlfriends. Men must know that your girlfriends are more important to you than they are. The more girlfriends you have the more magnetic you will be. The ones that have already asked about their husband, boyfriend, brother, son, and landscaper already know you are a man magnet. The rest will figure it out eventually.

10. Be successful. Find out what you’re good at and do THAT thing instead of the that other thing you suck at. And of course, wear my jewelry.