Why Black Sucks

Did you just die… or are you wearing black again? 

Rainbow Cubic Zirconia Necklace

 

I’ll get straight to the point. Guess what. You probably look like crap in black. See those dark circles under your eyes? They are pronounced because you’re wearing black. See that pale, lifeless pallor to your skin? Blame it on the black. See your beautiful curves disappear in that photograph? Congratulations, black just flattened you like a steamroller. Yes, yes, I know I’m telling you something you don’t want to hear. Please, you’re thinking…it can’t possibly be true! I know you’re clutching your 10 little black dresses 6 black sweaters and 8 pairs of black pants and screaming ” Why, why, am I reading what this awful woman writes?”  By the way. There is no tooth fairy. See? …You’re okaaay. 

Labradorite Blue Flash Earrings

 

I KNOW somebody told you you look skinny or elegant in black, and that may be true for a few select people who can pull it off. But sweetheart, you also look like a funeral director, and you ain’t dead yet. If you don’t believe me take this simple test. Go to any catalog and look at the model of an item that is available in several colors. She is NEVER modeling the BLACK item on the printed page even though the item is available in black. This is because black is nobody’s best color. The manufacturers know that showing the item in a color will sell it, even though people will scurry to buy the black out of a bizarre safety mechanism simply because they are scared to try something new.  

WOW Red Carnelian Earrings

 

I do have one very dear friend who will only wear black and white, She leans toward white in the summer and black in the winter. They both look hideous on her. Nothing I can say or do will stop her.  I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded. I know you won’t believe this, but I’ve even been a little mean. I sometimes wonder if I love her so much because she so incredibly flawed, (she also takes forever to order in restaurants) or If I just can’t stand the thought of not being with her when we are shopping and she FINALLY finally finally tries on something other than black. If I’m not with her, will it ever happen? I doubt it. It would kinda be like missing a beautiful shooting star. You have just keep looking up at the sky and eventually it will happen. If I keep being her friend, someday Sandy will purchase green or blue. Maybe even red. Sigh.

Aqua Chalcedony Chandelier Earrings

 

Do a little experiment. Hold a black item against your face, then chocolate brown, dark green, charcoal, and navy. One or more of these colors will substitute nicely as a dark color on you. You will notice your eye color will pop, your skin will look much more radiant. Pair it with a beautiful colorful piece of jewelry from, say, for example, ME… http://www.sueanneshirzay.etsy.com  and VOILA! you look fabulous! In the words of Coco Chanel, The best color in the world is the one that looks good on YOU!

Yes. I know. I wasn’t born yesterday. Some of you will never give up your black. It CAN look very modern and chic on the right person. But please do one thing for me. Pair your black with a nice colorful shirt, jacket, skirt, pair of shoes and/or jewelry. Little children will no longer be afraid of you. People will smile at you more because you’ll actually look friendly. If you drop the entire contents of your bag on a busy Manhattan sidewalk, people will actually help you pick it up. Even the muggers.

Please feel free to comment on this post and send me any fashion or jewelry questions to sueanneshirzay3@gmail.com .

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4 Comments on “Why Black Sucks”


  1. Oh alright I admit it – I used to think black made me look thin. Then I woke up and realized it would take an Act of God or twenty-seven hours of stretching on The Rack to look thin and I gave up the severity of black. That, and the fact I visited Sicily once and all the old ugly widow women sweeping off their front steps were decked out head to toe in black and it wasn’t pretty. So now I may wear black slacks, but a colorful sweater. Or I may wear a black turtleneck with a fabulous scarf – but head to toe black is off my list forever. I bow to you Accessory Guru. 😉


  2. You’re fabulous. Just like the beautiful jewelry you create. These posts are a great combination of sensible fashion tips combined with sweet plugs for your jewels. I never ever wear head to toe black. Black hair. Black top. Black bottoms. Black shoes. Negative. Black top w/jeans, cute jewelry, snazzy watch, flats is a nice layering look for me right now…in case you wondered. I bow to you as well!!! Keep the #jeweldrool coming, my dear!

    • sueanneshirzay Says:

      Thank you for being the head cheerleader, lil miss #SnapCacklePop! I love that you are enjoying the blog, even as a twentysomething. MWAH!


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