Boobage Management

This time on my weekly style segment on the Film Ladd radio show, I was asked to talk about two of my previous posts “What about my Boobs” and “It’s None of my Boobness” . The second post was from my other non-style random blog in which I vent, called Yeah, That’s Random. 

Lido Chrysoprase and Hammered Hoop earrings

 

Now, can I just say the idea of talking about breasts for an hour was a little bit frightening at the beginning, but when you get right down to it, it’s a topic that I could probably talk about for three hours. Frankly, I’ve had boobs to manage since 6th grade, for crying out loud, and  I happen to be stacked. This fact was called into question to Ladd in the form of texting and DMing in Twitter during the interview, which, I have to say, was the funniest part of the whole process for me….Defending my Rack. I’m still laughing about that. I’m @sueannesjewelry on Twitter, in case you don’t already know that. 

Here are the video and voice radio show links. I’m in the first hour of this particular show. I call in once a week. I had a little extra time as it’s Spring Break, Ladd is such fun to talk to anyway, and you really can’t cover a huge topic like Boobage Management in 15 minutes, anyhoooo.

What is Boobage Management?

Successful Hooter Management means your boobs look good at all times. Easy. In all types of clothes and underwear. With jewelry. That kind of thing.

Signs you may need Boobage Management

1. Someone ways NICE BRA….and you’re… wearing a shirt.

Om/Lotus double sided necklace.Vintage German beads.

 

People, this bra-strap showing frontal bra showing back-strap bra showing thing has got to stop. We don’t want to see your straps or any other part of your bra, for that matter. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pretty bra. We REALLY don’t want to see what I call Oatmeal Frontage, which is when you wear a lumpy lace bra under your smooth shirt and it looks like you have two lumps of oatmeal for boobs. this is just NOT an attractive look.

2. People look at your boobs instead of your face when they speak to you.

This was gone into at length during the radio show, and Ladd and people in the Ustream chat room were blaming it on pervs, but the fact is, if it happens to you all the time, then it’s probably because you are either wearing a bad bra or showing too much cleavage.

3. You’re over a C cup.

The more you have, the more there is to manage. You can’t ignore that. Anything over a C has to be dealt with

4. You have gained or lost a lot of weight recently. 

Any weight gain or loss of 10-15 lbs or so is going to affect your bra size. You’ll need new bras.

5. People ask HOW MUCH ARE YOU? instead of HOW ARE YOU? 

Honey, if people think you’re a hooker, you are either standing on the wrong corner or you may have to get your boobs under control.

6. Little kids point to your chest and say LOOK AT THAT, MOMMY!

Something’s wrong there, sweetie. You need Hooter Management

7. You are constantly breaking jewelry because of your boobs

Until the Next Teardrop Falls labradorite earrings

 

Your necklaces are getting caught in your cleavage, along with your popcorn, car keys, what have you, and as a jewelry designer, this is quite the travesty. You need Hooter Management. I cover proper chain lengths in this article.

I also gave out the name in the chatroom of my favorite bras and undies, btempted, for those like me who love pretty things for their undergarment wardrobe. This is a gorgeous line by undergarment giant Wacoal. Doesn’t everybody want to be like me? No, they don’t pay me if you click the link. I’m not organized enough to do affiliate marketing yet. So just look at the link. 

Here are the 16, yes 16 different types of bras available to women these days to manage “the girls”. Many of them are dependent on what kind of shape you have. I think I have about 10-12 of the ones listed, and then we start in with different colors. My closet is a brapocolypse, what else can I say?

Everyday, or basic t shirt bra, lace bra, push-up bra, backless bra, black bra, sports bra, seamless bra, convertible bra, long line bra, minimizer bra, strapless bra, wide strap bra, racerback bra, shelf bra, demi-cup bra. plunge bra. Any well stocked bra department has all of these. I explain what half of them are in the radio interview. You really need at least 8 or 10 of these to go with all your clothes. And a couple for when you’re not wearing clothes, wink wink.

Obviously, I say a LOT more about this topic in the radio interview. I talk about tailoring, I talk about double sided tape. I talk about what it would be like if my boobs could vote. So listen and learn.

Thanks for your support. Ha. Ha.

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8 Comments on “Boobage Management”


  1. Sorry I missed the live stream. This post taught me not to miss it live! I would have to say that from a male standpoint that the most egregious offender here is Oatmeal Frontage. Thanks! ~Mike

    • sueanneshirzay Says:

      Thank you for the sage Quaker Oats Observation, ~Mike. Oats should be sown and not shown, Dag freakin’ Nabbit! : ) ~Sueanne


  2. Sorry I got to the party late as usual – will hit the link to listen in. I’m in the category of those who have been losing weight and I swear to you I’m at the stage of having to use safety pins to keep my bras on. It’s pathetic and if I am in a car accident, my husband will be so embarrassed as they cut my shirt off and reveal this tatty, ratty too big bra. I’m horrified that the girls are suffering shrinkage – I like my stacked look, but it is disappearing along with the rest of me. Sigh. Yes ma’am, I’ll go bra shopping soon I promise. (and I won’t be wearing all black at the time either). Sigh…Boobage management is just not as easy as it once was. In the 70’s we burned our bras and went braless and…hmm…that may be some of the current problem with the…how do I put this? Oh yeah…not quite as perky as before. My girls thank you for your sage advice dahlink. Now I need a ‘tini. 🙂

    • sueanneshirzay Says:

      Safety Pins? SAFETY PINS!? SAFE TEY P INSAH? Pardon me while I weep nonstop into my Boobtini! Stop swimmin’ in your bra! This is not the YMCA! accckkkk! LOL

    • Tomas Says:

      “It’s pathetic and if I am in a car accident, my husband will be so embarrassed as they cut my shirt off and reveal this tatty, ratty too big bra.”

      EMTs DO cut your clothes off. It’s their job (which is why most are male).

      (As a male of the species, I’ve always wondered what must be going through s guys mind when he sees those surgical scissors ripping their way up the leg of his pants…. does he scream, “Careful, I’m a left leaner!”)

      That reminds me of a story (what doesn’t?). Years ago a female friend (who was hung like a Holstein, BTW – but that’s not relevant…)… this friend got into a very bad accident.. car in the ditch, car detritus scattered about like News Years Eve confetti.

      The back seat inhabitant at the time happened to be a life-size, anatomically correct, male dummy. His business was formerly stuffed into dummy BVDs… now they hung about the clothing like Rocky Mountain Oysters at a Montana Testicle Festival.

      When the EMTs arrived the girl was sitting on the car fender. The dummy was still in the back seat. They took one look at the guy and revved up the jaws of life (OK, Morticia, I’m not going there…) before they realized it was Faux-Man.

      They left the dummy in the car, but one of the guys snagged the package pillow for a souvenir.

      Yeah, that’s random….

      @Tomas57


  3. Sueanne,

    While I’m usually paying attention to another part of the body [feet you naughty readers of this blog], props on your topic’s timeliness.

    Okay, okay, I usually watch The Doctors TV show on CBS for foot health tips, but Finding Your Best Fitting Bra on the show caught my, err…eye:

    http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/show_synopsis/334?section=feature&title=Find%20Your%20Best%20Bra

    Pure coincidence that your segment would cover [oy, another pun] a similar topic.

    –The Plaid Dude Out East


  4. […] Does this look good on me? what works and why « Boobage Management […]


  5. […] friend Sueanne will  back me up on this as she has attempted to help ladies understand how to handle boobage on […]


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