Shoe-Bee Shoe-Bee DON’T

 

Bryan Viper, Style Dude at Large

 

I am pleased to introduce a male point of view to my blog, because quite frankly the men who read my blog have been begging me for it and I’ll do anything to shut them up. HA. 

Introducing Bryan Viper, and yes, that is his real name. He is a fellow New Yorker and if you listen to him, as you do to me, you stand to save yourself from endless style faux pas. His own fabulous blog can be read and enjoyed by clicking on the highlighted “fabulous blog” link above. He is a multi-faceted creative force to be reckoned with and please do your best to make him feel at home by following him on Twitter here. Thank you, Bryan! 

Summer Footwear Flops.

 

Happy Memorial Day

 

I get it. Memorial Day weekend, that wonderful holiday that we all celebrate each year though most of you don’t realize it is supposed to be a day of remembrance for those who fought and died protecting our freedoms. I’m thankful for them and others, as it has shifted to be a more general day for remembering anyone who has died. I guess for most, it’s really the kick-off to summer and this naturally demands party settings and grilled something or other. Grab your favorite drink & sit back for a minute while I jump on a soapbox for a minute or four.

Summer footwear in an urban setting is the topic. Admittedly, I’m not a “foot” guy, not even close. That’s one fetish I never cultivated, and quite frankly, I think all feet are pretty gross. My loss, maybe, but as they say, “to each his own.” That’s not to say that I can’t appreciate footwear. Hell, I even understand the foot fetish, so I can be somewhat empathetic to the cause. Do what you want, but I might have a thing or two to say about it. Summer brings the ugly out in footwear and these are my worst offenders.

Flip-flops.

 

photo by: Bryan Viper

 

Sounds like a dirty word with its smarmy hyphenated self. When the mercury rises, they rear their flippity floppity faces on men and women alike. Answer me this: what the hell are you thinking wearing these things in white? Your feet are as dirty as a pig’s and it shows in stark contrast to your [now] much duller white. For all the ladies who like to look nice, then what are you thinking? The guys? Are you kidding me? Dude, you’ve either been brainwashed or you’re just lacking any taste. In my mind, you might as well be one of those Capuchin monkeys all dressed up inappropriately, begging for peanuts and change.

Toe shoes.

Have you seen these things? In the last month, I’ve seen a few pair pounding the pavement and they look so odd. I understand the science behind them, but damn—that’s some funny looking stuff when you see someone on the sidewalk wearing them. They’re called FiveFingers, which is weird. They’re toes. Did someone get his or her phalanges mixed up? Go climb something, do yoga or all of their other suggested uses, but putting mileage on the sidewalks just looks ridiculous and who needs to feel the sidewalk better anyway? Don’t tell me you really want to know how that dried pigeon crap feels on your toes. I laugh a little each time I see them, and I always enjoy public entertainment when I can laugh at your expense.

Crocs.

I can’t even begin to comment. They look great on pre-schoolers. By kindergarten though, please leave them on the playground and step up to big girl or boy shoes. Please don’t tell me that you wear them too. Next—Birkenstocks. Step away from your patchouli stash, tell me that you’ve bathed at least once this week and you do more with your time than hugging trees. All I’m sayin’!

This is New York City. I understand you want comfort, but aren’t the so-called “beautiful people” supposed to “step up their game” in this town? Can’t you try to make the landscape a little better looking by not running around with your Flintstone feet? Don’t think adding socks or hosiery of any type will help these products either. I’ve seen that mess and still laugh about it. Ladies, wear a nice sandal and keep up your manicure. Guys, if you gotta wear something more open for summer, take care of your gnarled claws. No one wants to get sick looking at your nasty stuff; better yet, just wear shoes.

As I often say, “Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should.” Think about that before walking out your door next time. This is only my opinion and it’s not meant to offend, but if the ugly shoe fits…

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4 Comments on “Shoe-Bee Shoe-Bee DON’T”

  1. cupcakeluvah Says:

    “Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should” is totally one of my fave sayings. It’s even on my blog! I was walking out of the grocery store earlier tonight w/my guy friend. I spotted a guy wearing really ugly mandals (man sandals). The really huge, brown leather ones. I looked at my friend and said, “unh uh. he’s wrong for that.” He said, “duly noted.” So glad some of my friends ask for my advice re: clothing…I try to help ’em look better than they already are 😉

  2. aproperfool Says:

    Crocs are the devil’s footwear. He needs something with ventilation, it gets hot down there.


  3. […] Only spend what you can afford. Every effective Fashionista knows that just because you want it doesn’t mean you need it. You know, like Antonio Banderas. Same thing. Only with shoes.  […]


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