Man Rings, Muffin Tops, Moobs, and Mayhem


Bryan Viper


Once again, here is Style Dude at large, Bryan Viper, with a pithy guest post. 

Over the past week, I’ve considered many topics of discussion about which to write. It was suggested I talk about harem pants. Those are too easy. Yes, it looks like you either didn’t make it to the restroom in time, or you’ve got beautiful birthing hips…for an elephant! I considered writing about men wearing rings. Again, another easy topic. Thumb rings—uh, no. You’re asking for mockery to be thrown in your direction. Pinky rings…you’re not some Mafioso Godfather are you? Leave such things to the cast of Jersey Shore. The only acceptable ring wearing (in my opinion) is a wedding ring, a Super Bowl ring (don’t argue with a line backer), a skull or iron cross ring if you are a true punk or ride a Harley, and maybe a pair of brass knuckles if you’re in the hood. KIDDING!

New! But Don't Wear This if You're a Man.


However, what’s really beyond my understanding is why people continue to wear ill-fitting clothing. You know the type. Some guy with a beer belly wearing a shirt so tight that his man-boobs are pushed up while his belly button sticks out. Adversely, you find a short, toothpick of a guy that’s wearing a 2XL sized shirt that practically swallows him and looks more like a shirtdress. Or that woman walking in front of you on the sidewalk with her bra strap digging into her shoulders by almost an inch and you can count the rolls of fat on her back. The other extreme is dressing like Mary Kate Olsen with clothes so huge you look like a bag lady with a “blobular” shape. Come on people!!

This behavior is a little understandable for those that have gained or lost a significant amount of weight (recently). However, if that weight change happened months ago, get over the old you and embrace the new. Time to go shopping for some new duds. Check your oversized garbage bag style clothing at the door; adversely lose those sausage casings. Wear what FITS! Don’t look at some number on a label. Try it on and look in the mirror. If you can’t see a definite shape, then your clothes are too big. If your clothes look like a garbage bag, then expect to be left on the curb. If you can see every little wrinkle in your flesh, it’s too tight. Muffin tops are awesome…on muffins!

If you need help, there’s plenty out there. In a world of Rachel Zoe’s and other wardrobe stylists, to all the fashion mags and even that sales person at the department store, there are ample resources to find what looks good on you. You don’t need to break the bank either. Great style can be found for any budget, and trust me, wearing something that fits from H&M looks a hell of a lot better than that expensive Gucci number you’re wearing that’s 2 sizes too small. The same holds true if you’re talking about undergarments, outerwear, or just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Take a little pride in your appearance, or run the risk of being our running joke. Or don’t; we’re ready to laugh at your expense.

 Bryan Viper’s  fabulous blog can be read and enjoyed by clicking on the highlighted “fabulous blog” link above. He is a multi-faceted creative force to be reckoned with and please do your best to make him feel at home by following him on Twitter here. Thank you, Bryan!

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3 Comments on “Man Rings, Muffin Tops, Moobs, and Mayhem”

  1. […] perspective about people and fashion, particularly on the streets of NYC. My latest post: Man Rings, Muffin Tops, Moobs, and Mayhem. I still find time to tweet a bit, but nowhere like before. Maybe that’s a good thing for the […]

  2. as always good advice. I know since I’ve dropped 30 pounds just trying to wear my old clothes makes me look like a bag lady so off to Goodwill they went! I’m still transitioning (want to take off another 15 lbs) but buying a few nice items in a size that fits and dammit I now have curves instead of rolls. Woot! I’m doin’ ya proud sistah – outfits not totally black. LOL hugs

  3. […] a lot of people this also means they have to start making better decisions about what to wear. Flip flops and shorts just are not going to cut it and you need to stop looking like a bum. The phonebook […]

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